I cannot tell the number of times I've wanted to scrawl something across a mirror in lipstick or eyeliner (or clear lipgloss in my case) just so I would remember when things get crazy. Like, "You are a good person"; shit like that. As silly and hug-yourself as that sounds, it's kind of important. Stress can put you in a crazy fog and last night it got a little foggy. But I was out riding my bike after dark to go feed Black and it made me happy and yet simultaneously sad that I forget how much I love riding my bike after dark. It's the only time during the day that I truly remember to breathe, if only because summer nights in Portland smell so good. You've got all the trees, the flowers, the one random who has decided to build a fire in his fireplace, which adds a nice woodsy smell on top of everything. And it's warm. I found myself zipping along down streets last night, crouching low, going so fast with a bit of reckless abandon. I mean, I stopped for stop signs, but I was free beyond that. I almost wanted to yell, but that's a little too free for me.
Another thing that really makes me feel good about my situation is paying bills and balancing my checkbook. Cue the sirens - nerd on the loose... But seriously, I feel so organized and accomplished when I've paid the bills for the month. Like I can see the little pebbles that I've just chiseled off the mountain but they're all shiny and pretty and make me forget the mountain for a second. Is it weird to feel like a good citizen after I pay my bills? I certainly don't feel this way when I pay taxes, but bills, yes, they make me a good person.
I added "9/27: Leave For Berlin" into my iCal and it made me smile to myself. As scared shitless as I can be at the thought of getting into an airplane for 12 hours, I love traveling and am especially excited for this trip. I could write entry upon entry about my aerophobia (and I probably will eventually) but I'd rather not make myself anxious about a trip I'm really excited about. It's like feeding a flame that, lately, has been a small smoulder. But there's nothing anxiety-producing about adding it to your iCal, especially when you can romanticize the cushy Lufthansa seats and free transatlantic wine. YUM. Nothing like nursing a hangover in a foreign country...
I feel like there are so many sad bastard entries on this blog from earlier days and I'm hoping to unpaint that picture of myself. All my friends who read this know that I'm not a sad person, but I also wanted to let all my friends know what a huge happy nerd I am right now. A nerd who takes paying bills as her civic duty and wants to scream like a banshee on her bike at 11 pm (not that THAT would be anything out of the ordinary in our neighborhood). It's a great exercise to make lists like this and I implore my happy and sad bastard friends alike to do so.
Love,
A Sappy Sack of Crap
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I put Draft II in the mail for you yesterday. I hope that will be a source of happiness. Riding at night is absolutely crucial to joy, however. No need to feel sadness there.
Oh man! I'm so excited to read it - I will give you my HAPPINESS rating when I finish. Hopefully it won't be as dark and sad as the movie, HAPPINESS. Three cheers for riding your bike at night (when it's warm, because when it's cold, it's not as liberating...)!!!
XO.
R
Sadly, my bike was left behind in Eugene. People don't ride bikes in Southern California unless they're bums or hardcore cyclists. I wish I had your enthusiasm about it.
I may sound too much like my dad here, but there's nothing nerdy about building solid credit. You never know when you'll need to put a down payment on a house or buy a new car and you'll want to get the best APR and loan rates.
I often feel triumphant after a particularly hefty bill has been paid.
You know, I'll beg to differ on riding at night in the cold. Some nights in Montreal, especially in late fall, riding home past midnight with your gloves and scarf and everything is about the most comforting thing in the world. Your breath leaves long pillow-clouds behind you and your gloves can't feel the handlebars and your nose and ears are cold, but if everything else is protected it feels like you're floating in your winter's-coming gear through the whole cold world. Those are perfect moments.
Post a Comment